Then, there needs to be a "Scotty" from Star Trek sort of character. Think: "Ye canna disobey the laws of Physics, Cappin".... This fellow grumbles and moans about how impossible certain tasks are... and yet always manages to pull it off in the end.
I think I'm going to steal that idea. From now on I'll be saying, "The strings are as low as they gonna go and they canna go no lower. Ye canna disobey the laws of Physics."
No, it's more like this -
Wanamaker - "Scotty, I need a bit more bass out of that guitar and maximum note separation with lots of sustain."
Scotty - "Aye aye cappin', I've giving her all she's got. I'm not sure I can get more bass out of her without an explosion. Her bridge is mighty fragile after we removed her two times prior. I'll see what I can do, cappin'"
Filippo
Or maybe:
Kirk: "Bones, help this guitar. You took an oath to save lives and heal heels ..."
Bones: "Jim, it may look like a guitar but all the internal organs are in the wrong place. The bridge patch is under the fingerboard! I'm a doctor, not a carpenter!"
(Communicating with Dr. McCoy from the bridge.)
Lt. Uhura: "Doctor, you want me to send down how many pounds of bondo?
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Kirk: "Scotty...I need more power to bend the sides while in this time warp coridor Fox machine.:
Scotty: "I canna do it captain. I need more lithium crystals and my crew has snorted them all."
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Lol....
For some reason, I am thinking one of those characters needs to say: "I'll need a gallon of Bondo and a Framing Hammer, Stat!"
I have an idea for an episode..... Custom made guitars coming in that just don't sound right..... Supposedly, they are made of Brazilian Rosewood..... They must use all of their deductive and analytical skills to solve the mystery.....
Then, it is found out that the backs are made by a company called called "Brazilian Rose Wood, Inc", Headquartered in Brazil, KY -- They make dark brown, Rose scented wood products branded as "RoseWood" -- Typically used in flooring applications in beauty salons....... Turns out this wonderful stuff is actually a truly "Green" product -- made entirely out of Municipal Yard Waste generated in Brazil, KY and scented with Geraniol recovered from recycling paper-pulp black liquor......
Then, they discover the tops are made by the Adirondack, NY based Plywood company -- Adirondack Spruce, Inc..... Importers of discount Chinese plywood products mainly used in discount interior door products and toilet seats.....
This wouldn't be a problem, except for an Evil Gutiarmaking Conglomerate (Identified mysteriously by a Black zorro hat) found out about this Brazil brand "Rose Wood" and "Adirondack Spruce" brand plywood and decided to use it in their Guitars that they sell on QVC!
My favorite episode is the one where Spock decides to add a handcrafted custom made guitar from a well known luthier in a not so well known part of the galaxy to his musical instrument collection.
After a 770.65 stardate wait for delivery the instrument finally meets the exacting demands of precision and perfection of the by now universally famous guitar maker – albeit with a bridge that would be more at home on a Klingon battle cruiser - but perhaps that's another story.
In a rare transporter malfunction while the guitar is being beamed aboard the enterprise it is suddenly swapped with one from an evil anti-universe. The guitar arrives in Spock's hands with mangled frets and a misaligned neck and we hear Bones saying in the background.
“Spock, you better let me take a look at that, no telling what else may be wrong inside there.”
Spock, looking for a logical explanation to what just transpired sends out a distress message to local inhabitants inquiring to the exact nature of craftsmanship in this parsec. But just as sensors are starting to locate the source of the malfunction Scotty steers to close to the Romulan ale and the next thing we know the enterprise is steering too close to a local sun and it is slingshot back in time to a point just before the transporter malfunction and it's like the whole thing never happened.
Seems like there was a show, or a movie, or maybe even a book a while back where something such as John described occurred, but I just can't remember. Very frustrating. Wait...maybe a thread here? Could that be correct? Drat...it just will not come to me. Probably nothing.
A lot of those old star trek plots seemed to resemble other episodes, it's funny how it seems to be similiar with luthier threads. Like you say, "It's probably nothing."
Still, I don't seem to be able to get this episode one out of my head. I keep remembering more details and just had to do a small re-write.
Quote:
My favorite episode is the one where Spock decides to add a handcrafted custom made guitar from a well known luthier in a not so well known part of the galaxy to his musical instrument collection.
After a 770.65 stardate wait for delivery the instrument finally meets the exacting demands of precision and perfection from the by now universally infamous guitar maker – albeit with a bridge that would be more at home on a Klingon battle cruiser - but perhaps that's another story.
In a rare transporter malfunction while the guitar is being beamed aboard the enterprise it is suddenly swapped with one from an evil anti-universe. The guitar arrives in Spock's hands with mangled frets and a misaligned neck and we hear Bones saying in the background.
“Spock, you better let me take a look at that, no telling what else may be wrong inside there.”
Spock contacts the builder, only to be told that the guitar was perfect when it left, “there must be something wrong with your ships environmental systems, he says.” This gets an eyebrow raise out of Spock. Scotty, standing nearby and overhearing the conversation, raises more than an eyebrow and says, “There's nut-tin rrrong with the ship, laddy.”
Spock, looking for a logical explanation to what just transpired sends out a distress message to local inhabitants inquiring to the exact nature of craftsmanship in this parsec. But just as sensors are starting to locate the source of the malfunction, Scotty, with his feathers still ruffled, steers too close to the Romulan ale and the next thing we know the enterprise is steering too close to a black hole and it is slingshot back in time to a point just before the transporter malfunction and it's like the whole thing never happened.
A lot of those old star trek plots seemed to resemble other episodes, it's funny how it seems to be similiar with luthier threads. Like you say, "It's probably nothing.
John, you're right. Gee I thought Todd was on something unique with this CSI parallel. But the more I thought about your point, the more I realized, it's not just Star Trek is it?
I suppose the good news is we can pull a few more episodes that are tried an true for the basis of the series. What's the old saying? Oh, "There are no new ideas."
Filippo
Oh I enjoyed that. There are some great lines in there and I too have the feeling that I've heard it all before but I just can't place my finger on it. Todd should file this.
Quote:
Jake continues to walk forward until they stand face to face There is a pregnant pause, the showdown. Jake, stern and forbidding, considers a moment and then makes his move. He falls to his knees screaming and crying. JAKE: Oh, please don't kill us! You know I love you, baby! I didn't mean to leave you! It wasn't my fault! Oh please don't kill us! Please! Please, don't kill us!
The Mystery Woman looks at Jake with complete disgust. MYSTERY WOMAN: You contemptible pig. You think you can talk your way out of this now? You betrayed me! JAKE: (pleading) No I didn't, honest! I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire!., I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault! I swear to God!
Jake looks up at her and for the first time in the movie, takes off his dark glasses, revealing big, soulful, brown eyes. The Mystery Woman begins to soften as Jake looks up at her like a puppy begging for some food. Finally she lowers the gun. MYSTERY WOMAN: Oh, Jake...Jake ....
Jake, in a flash, is up, his glasses back on, grabs the Mystery Woman in a passionate embrace, giving her a fabulous Clark Gable type kiss. The Mystery Woman is overcome, Jake turns quickly to Elwood. JAKE: Let's go.
He drops the Mystery Woman on her ass and he and Elwood tear out of the concrete tunnel.
Too bad the clip ends before we get to the part where Spock compares the neck joint on his Vulcan lyre with the hash of a job done on the clip's instrument...
For those of you that cannot find the clip on YouTube (strangely, it was there a few days ago, but appears to be missing now...), here's the dialog: ...
Oh you must have seen a bootleg copy of the original edit of that episode. One made before the producer caved in to pressure from the well know Catuallan luthier. There's a small renegade group who keeps posting that on youtube under different names and youtube keeps taking it down and pretending it never happened.
The highly edited “official version” that protects the guilty can be seen here, starting at the 3.50 mark.
The cast was appalled at how their fine work was treated by producer Herbert Solow, and they got the final word. When Herbert left the set one day they introduced a new term into the script, “Herbert”. The “hippies” would chant “HERBERT HERBERT HERBERT HERBERT” when they didn't like one of Kirk's decisions. Kirk asked Spock what it was all about and Spock explained that Herbert is an insulting reference to a minor official of the same name, notorious for his "rigid and limited patterns of thought."
Come to think of it, you might want to introduce a similar device into your CSI scripts to signify a luthier whose work isn't up to code. Of course, unlike the trek cast, I'm sure you wouldn't want to make it personal and refer to anyone in particular. Maybe you could just use a name synonymous with, fast, cheap, and bad for you and use a fast food restaurant name for your chant. Maybe something like: Burger King, Burger King, Burger King.... Oh I don't know, that doesn't sound quite right-- I'll keep working on it.
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