Official Luthiers Forum!

Todd...getting to Maryland to share more than a few beers just got to the top of my to do list. This is hilarious and the timing is certainly appropriate. It's amazing how creative you can be when you have your head in the right place!

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JJ
Napa, CA
http://www.DonohueGuitars.com

Hmmmmm...

Is there a part for a sanctimonious, golden-tongued, poison-penned narrator with an omnicient role tainted by omniscience?

If so, I know someone perfect for the role, though sadly, he's fairly content with the typecasting and is wearing the role thin.

Dennis Leaky, er, I mean Leahy

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Dennis Leahy
Duluth, MN, USA
7th Sense Multimedia

Todd...Let me know when it comes on so I can set my DVR to record the series!

I'd watch but whenever I watch a show like that my TV seems to go on the blink just as the culprit is about to be skewered. Besides, I think I've already seen that show. It turned out that the wife of the suspect instrument owner took delivery of a puppy cockapoo in a quid pro quo deal with her going along with her husbands "one of a kind" purchase. And it was actually the teething puppy cockapoo that caused all the damage that everyone was fretting about. I can't be sure I have this all right but I seem to remember the instrument builder saying something like, "The dog ate my ..." just as my TV went blank.

You're going to also need to cast the re-occurring role of those that promise to help the gang finally get off the island.

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I read Emerson on the can. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds...true...but a consistent reading of Emerson has its uses nevertheless.

StuMusic

It's missing something and I can't quite put my finger on it....

Oh I know. It needs a 19 year old female with a natural knack for luthiery despite nearly zero experience that arbitrarily breaks into song and dance during the climax of the show. When played her first ever guitar is miraculously accompanied by electronic drums, even though she is not really playing it, but sort of almost looking like she is playing it.

Her name will be "Mademoiselle BlahBlah".

Whoever is cast for the role need not have any experience playing guitar. Once the song begins her outfit will inexplicably change to something completely different and probably much more skimpy, so nobody will be looking at the guitar anyways. Just for good measure fire will be shooting off in the background with computer generated images of guitars on fire and violently vibrating to the awesomeness of the electronic beat that she built.

All music will be provided by the music industry since they know what the people like. I'm thinking that something along the lines of a cross between Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and Christina Aguilara would be perfect. Each is so unique that blending the three would be a sure fire success. If this is done, we can launch 4 albums and 3 movies based on this premise alone.

Hey, use yer own State...
What's CSI?

Okay , my side hurts, stop it! STOP IT!

Man... They either made drugs legal in Maryland or you have WAAYYYYY too much time on your hands!

LOL

Funniest thing I have seen in a long time!!

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Tim

Todd,
Be sure to include a scene in each episode where our heroes use advanced video technology to decipher clues. This demonstrates these capabilities perfectly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uoM5kfZIQ0&NR=1

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George :-)

George, that video cracks me up. CSI is so screwed up. How many crime scene videos have we seen on TV news where you could barely make out on a perp's t- shirt "I love the Yankees" in font size 100, and CSI can read the print on a t-shirt care tag off the corneal reflection of some hot chick in mortal danger?

Well, we do have the Cohen Bros, but I prefer Amy Goodman...

You could add a vintage touch to the production by guest starring old TV crime fighters.

I can imagine a scene where the crack luthier investigators are stumped as to the identity of some third tier builder, suspecting fowl play is at hand, and that they are being set-up to take the fall.

At just that moment the cape crusaders arrive on scene. Batman enters the mysterious headstock “golden arches” logo of the suspect luthier into the bat-computer which searches through the bat list of not well known luthiers and faster than Robin can say, “Holy heel creep, Batman,” the mystery is solved.

To everyone's surprise it turns out NOT to be the top Martin repair man of Smallville nor the back Martin repair man of Smallville, nor the bridge Martin repair man of Smallville, nor the fret Martin repair man of Smallville but in a sinister twist of plot the tuning machine Martin repair man of Smallville moonlighting as a third tier fret man.

(I don't know why Batman is threading on Superman's turf but it bees that way in the luthier world sometimes.)

Just as the camera zooms in on the crack so we can see if the the headstock is really up .... the network censors kick in and the TV is instantly switched to “Lost in Space” reruns. -- A close up on the good Dr. and the reassuring sound of “OH THE PAIN, THE PAIN!” follows.

Surprisingly, Smith bears a striking resemblance to our third tier ......

Hmmmm

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Audiences and dispensations on Thursdays ~ by appointment only.


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Hey, Todd...
can I play the "French polish guru/town drunk" who secretly sips on the Everclear during finish sessions?

May be a stretch as I don't drink that much, but a fake bottle filled with clear water should be a viable prop. After all, they used tea for whiskey in all the old cowboy westerns

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Hank Mauel

Well, you folks are missing some "history" here and since I am primarily a mandolin builder, I know that history.
You see...
While the lower end mandolins were made by Shutt, famous GLC was handmade by Burton Fluff in limited numbers in Pinetongue, Michigan. The earliest instrument still in existence is dated July 9, 1902, and Burton built close to 200 of the GLC models before "acquiring" several partners in 1915. Now these partners were Discordians, an elitist bunch that was a cross between followers of Ayn Rand and Scientologists. These 5 partners included Cartwright Shutt, shipping magnet, and Perniclese Pernassis, banker. Realizing the importance of negating the onslaught of outsourced, imported bowlback mandolins from the Fnords of Skandovia, they endeavored to convince Fluff to design a cheaper model of the GLC, hence the Fluff BS. Burton, however would have no part of building inferior instruments, and was subsquently severed (actually dragged kicking and screaming) from the Corporation.
At this point Fullerton Squeem entered the scene. Fullerton was purported to be an Acoustic Engineer. He was actually a very talented mandolin player specializing in klezmer music. He was hired to redesign the Fluff. Several innovative features were incorporated into the Fluff BS including Dolphin soundholes (with permission of the Dolphins, of course), and the "Free Floating Bridge" (pat'd Sept, 1915) that actually allowed the top to freely vibrate by exerting absolutely no pressure.
The instrument was a total failure, as kelzmer players thought it was inferior to the bowlbacks, however, Fluff went back to his little hovel in Pinetongue and continued to build his GLC. Eventually it became so popular that it made its way to the Fnords of Skandovia, where Polka players discarded their bowlbacks in favor of the GLC. As the 5 partners of Burton owned the logo Fluff, a lawsuit ensued, and eventually Fluff was "convinced" to build his instruments under the name Merkle!
Fluff achived his crowning moment when he designed the Merkle Spaghetti. It was an instant hit with the neopolitan crowd, after a used one was found in a plumbing supply store by Harley Arlotti, the great neopolitan picker. To this day, mandolin players can be found at all the Neopolitan festivals playing Merkles, and each year a Merklefest is held in Pinetongue where proud owners of Spaghetti's gather to display their Merkles.
The Fluff BS faded into oblivion, however many used Fluffs were played by blues musicians in the '20's and '30's. Many were found in barbershop windows at reduced prices.
That ought to fill up the 4 minute space between 14 minutes of commercials...
My apologies to "old Bob" Wilson, RIP

Let's see here.... A few suggestions here...

1st and most obvious -- There are no girls, only a bunch of guys with fake nails....

Then... The Vest -- He has to be semi-tortured about his past.... I think he needs to have the Zorro hat in a desk drawer stashed in a fake-bottomed desk drawer.... The last reminder of the "Evil" that was his life..... He needs to be semi-secretive about his personal life... and this suspicion leads to Doubt about his character.... (Till it is finally revealed that he rebuilds Esteban guitars for kids in Orphanages...)

Then, there needs to be a "Scotty" from Star Trek sort of character. Think: "Ye canna disobey the laws of Physics, Cappin".... This fellow grumbles and moans about how impossible certain tasks are... and yet always manages to pull it off in the end.

They also need an "Arch Enemy" --- Maybe "The Collector"... A fellow who fronts as a fine Luthier... but whose goal is to steal and keep Heirloom instruments for himself.... who always manages to stay a step ahead of the team....

And they need some small time enemies -- Hackjob Hank (Kitchen-table luthier extraordinaire), The Guitar Show Seller (It's not Clapped Out... It's an Antique!), The Jilted Girlfriend, and The Lab Puppy (Loves to Chew)... and 1 last one.. The GAS man! (AKA, the Pusher).....

Thanks

John

Sounds like a spin-off series: Mandolin Bay.

I think I'm going to steal that idea. From now on I'll be saying, "The strings are as low as they gonna go and they canna go no lower. Ye canna disobey the laws of Physics."

More like the Illuminatus Gilson Mandolin Trilogy...

Or maybe:

Kirk: "Bones, help this guitar. You took an oath to save lives and heal heels ..."

Bones: "Jim, it may look like a guitar but all the internal organs are in the wrong place. The bridge patch is under the fingerboard! I'm a doctor, not a carpenter!"

(Communicating with Dr. McCoy from the bridge.)

Lt. Uhura: "Doctor, you want me to send down how many pounds of bondo?

Kirk: "Scotty...I need more power to bend the sides while in this time warp coridor Fox machine.:

Scotty: "I canna do it captain. I need more lithium crystals and my crew has snorted them all."

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"Try to be the person your dog thinks you are."

http://sites.google.com/site/bertsguitarshop/

Lol....

For some reason, I am thinking one of those characters needs to say:
"I'll need a gallon of Bondo and a Framing Hammer, Stat!"

I have an idea for an episode.....
Custom made guitars coming in that just don't sound right..... Supposedly, they are made of Brazilian Rosewood..... They must use all of their deductive and analytical skills to solve the mystery.....

Then, it is found out that the backs are made by a company called called "Brazilian Rose Wood, Inc", Headquartered in Brazil, KY -- They make dark brown, Rose scented wood products branded as "RoseWood" -- Typically used in flooring applications in beauty salons....... Turns out this wonderful stuff is actually a truly "Green" product -- made entirely out of Municipal Yard Waste generated in Brazil, KY and scented with Geraniol recovered from recycling paper-pulp black liquor......

Then, they discover the tops are made by the Adirondack, NY based Plywood company -- Adirondack Spruce, Inc..... Importers of discount Chinese plywood products mainly used in discount interior door products and toilet seats.....

This wouldn't be a problem, except for an Evil Gutiarmaking Conglomerate (Identified mysteriously by a Black zorro hat) found out about this Brazil brand "Rose Wood" and "Adirondack Spruce" brand plywood and decided to use it in their Guitars that they sell on QVC!

And our Heros must unravel the mystery!!

My favorite episode is the one where Spock decides to add a handcrafted custom made guitar from a well known luthier in a not so well known part of the galaxy to his musical instrument collection.

After a 770.65 stardate wait for delivery the instrument finally meets the exacting demands of precision and perfection of the by now universally famous guitar maker – albeit with a bridge that would be more at home on a Klingon battle cruiser - but perhaps that's another story.

In a rare transporter malfunction while the guitar is being beamed aboard the enterprise it is suddenly swapped with one from an evil anti-universe. The guitar arrives in Spock's hands with mangled frets and a misaligned neck and we hear Bones saying in the background.

“Spock, you better let me take a look at that, no telling what else may be wrong inside there.”

Spock, looking for a logical explanation to what just transpired sends out a distress message to local inhabitants inquiring to the exact nature of craftsmanship in this parsec. But just as sensors are starting to locate the source of the malfunction Scotty steers to close to the Romulan ale and the next thing we know the enterprise is steering too close to a local sun and it is slingshot back in time to a point just before the transporter malfunction and it's like the whole thing never happened.

A lot of those old star trek plots seemed to resemble other episodes, it's funny how it seems to be similiar with luthier threads. Like you say, "It's probably nothing."

Still, I don't seem to be able to get this episode one out of my head. I keep remembering more details and just had to do a small re-write.