bftobin wrote: To forgive is not the same as giving absolution. Many people confuse the two.
I quite agree in the formal sense, and suggest that those individuals either offered forgiveness or extended a degree of forbearance - which is quite literally the exercise of patience - are obligated to examine their past behaviors and do what is necessary to avoid a repeat of provocations and offenses. There is no formal penance required here as might be the case in matters of faith; however, I would expect that as a minimum, sincerely offered apologies should be made and some degree of introspection endured to avoid what some have characterized earlier in the thread as a pattern of negative behaviors.
A few thoughts:
- Empathy is not a teachable skill, although the world would be a much better place if it were. That said, feeling someone else's pain is something which may be successfully mimicked if for no other reason than to grease the ways of social interactions.
- Think about the the oft-cited difference between nice and kind, then move firmly in the direction of kindness. Being nice is something done to garner external approval without necessarily involving any sincere degree of care for others - it is at the root of the current practice of virtue signalling and the fight to garner 'likes' or similar on social media. Being kind is rooted in sincere care and regard for others, and - with manners - is an external manifestation of our beliefs concerning ourselves AS MUCH AS those others. It is a less easily mimicked behavior than niceness, because it arises from those core beliefs we hold close.
- Impulse control can be learned. We even teach it to our children and canine family members, albeit with varying degrees of success. Our advice to our children and our friends when angry at someone often involves something along the lines of 'count to ten' or to put aside that sharp-edged response to provocation for a day or three before re-drafting or discarding entirely. Simply stated: slow down when upset or angry.
- I hesitate to include this last, but it bears mention in this modern age: those dependent on the miracle of modern pharmacological therapies for successful social interactions should hew closely to prescribed use, dose, and frequency, as well as understand that being under care includes periodic assessment and adjustment of those therapies. Don't skip, don't play catch-up without guidance, and don't miss checkups. If out of charity with one's meds, avoid either reading or posting anything on social media.
I think of Mr. Robby Hecht's wonderful circa 2020 tune when I stray into offering non-repair advice:
'dang Good Advice' from Me and the Fool I've Been
[Verse 1]
Well, just saddle up here on this stool at the bar
Order up something, then pour out your heart
Look deep in your soul, there's a way to pull through
No matter what's broken, here's what you do
[Chorus]
Quit drinking, quit smoking, tell your lover you love 'em
Keep kissin', try to listen, buy roses by the dozen
You won't ever get lonesome, yeah, wouldn't that be nice?
I wish I could take my own dang good advice
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